When people hear the word shadow, they often think of our darker, disowned qualities. Most shadow work is around projection of shame, unwanted impulses, hidden desires; parts of us we rather not admit are there. In popular psychology and spirituality, shadow work is often framed as confronting the worst of who we are. I wrote about about shadow work here.
But that is only half the picture.
Carl Jung was clear that the shadow is not just where we hide what is broken or painful. It is also where we hide what is powerful. The shadow contains not only our wounds, but our brilliance. Not only what we reject because it feels unacceptable, but what we reject because it feels dangerous to express.
We do not just disown what hurts.
We disown what might change our lives.
Often, this buried potential reveals itself indirectly. Through intense admiration, longing and comparison. The quiet ache of believing someone else is living a life that feels impossibly out of reach.
The feeling is usually framed as “I could never be like them”, when the deeper question is “Why did I decide I wasn’t allowed to?”
What Is the Golden Shadow?
The golden shadow refers to the positive qualities we have disowned and now project onto others. It is the part of us that carries confidence, creativity, leadership, sensuality, depth, clarity, or authority, but remains unclaimed.
These qualities are not absent in us; they are hidden.
The golden shadow often forms early. In childhood, certain traits can feel unsafe to express. Being bold might threaten attachment. Talent might invite jealousy. Expression might disrupt family roles. Showing power might feel like a betrayal of those who are struggling.
So we adapt, soften and shrink. We become pleasing, helpful, or invisible in ways that protect connection.
At the time, this hiding is intelligent. It preserves belonging. Later in life, it quietly limits us.
A woman freezes around powerful women and assumes they are intimidating. Over time, she realises she carries that same leadership energy but learned to suppress it. A man repeatedly falls in love with expressive artists yet never creates himself. A therapist idealises every mentor and forgets they are becoming one.
The admiration is real. So is the projection.
How to Spot the Golden Shadow
The golden shadow announces itself through emotional charge. It is not subtle. Common signs include intense admiration that borders on obsession, feeling smaller or less capable in someone’s presence, or placing others on a pedestal.
There is often longing, envy, or a kind of magical thinking. The other person seems special in a way that feels inaccessible to you. You may notice repeated patterns of choosing lovers, mentors, or friends who feel “above” you, more alive, more confident, more realised.
This does not mean the other person does not possess those qualities. They often do. The key signal is the charge. The emotional intensity reveals something in you that is not yet being lived. Projection is not a moral failing, it is information.
Why We Bury Our Brilliance
Golden shadow dynamics are especially common in sensitive, empathic, or trauma affected people. In many childhood environments, standing out came at a cost.
Some grew up in families where ambition was punished or mocked. Others were taught that humility meant self erasure. In certain cultural or religious contexts, confidence was equated with arrogance. Gender roles often reinforced the idea that power was dangerous or sensitivity was weakness.
From an attachment perspective, disowning your radiance is often about safety rather than truth. Belonging mattered more than authenticity. So you learned to dim the parts of you that might threaten connection.
The nervous system remembers these early lessons long after the environment has changed.
Inspiration Versus Projection
Not all admiration is projection. There is a difference between healthy inspiration and golden shadow dynamics.
A healthy mentor or role model leaves you feeling expanded. You feel encouraged, stretched, but still rooted in yourself. There is respect without collapse. Curiosity without dependence.
Golden shadow projection feels different. It is intoxicating or diminishing. You may idealise the person, defer to them excessively, or feel that your access to certain qualities depends on their presence. Your confidence rises and falls based on proximity to them.
This dynamic sits beneath many familiar patterns.
Romantic infatuation.
Guru worship.
Creative paralysis.
Self doubt in group settings.
Toxic self comparison online.
The cost is not just emotional. It is existential. You hand your authority away without realising it.
Withdrawing the Projection
Integration begins when the projection is gently withdrawn.
This does not mean imitating the other person or trying to become them. It means asking a more precise question.
What exactly do I see in them?
What quality, energy, or way of being is activating something in me?
Then comes the deeper inquiry.
What would that quality look like expressed through my body, my voice, my life?
The answer is often surprising. Someone else’s charisma may translate into your quiet influence. Their bold expression may emerge through your writing rather than their performance. Their leadership may show up in how you hold space rather than take centre stage.
Shadow work is not about duplication. It is about ownership.
Living the Gold Without Inflating the Ego
Owning the golden shadow does not turn you into a louder or more polished version of yourself. It tends to do the opposite; it settles you.
When you stop hiding essential parts of yourself, your nervous system relaxes. You move with less apology, speak with less effort. There is less urgency to prove anything because you are no longer abandoning yourself internally.
This kind of power is quiet. It does not demand attention of applause, it is felt rather than performed. You do not need everyone to recognise your worth once you do.
You Already Are What You Admire
The golden shadow does not point to what you lack. It points to what is unlived.
Every time you feel awe, envy, or fascination, something in you is asking to be reclaimed.
What you admire in others is often a mirror, not a pedestal. A reflection of something in you that learned to hide and is now ready to return. The question is not whether you have it. The question is whether you are willing to let it take up space in your life.
What if the light you see in them is your own, waiting to be lived?
